Aide: They are charging Mr. X with obstruction of justice.
The President: What did he do?
Aide: He had a conversation with a Russian. Then he lied about it to a guy who turned out to be your Veep.
The President: The dirty dog. Tell him to plead guilty and I’ll pardon him that day.
Aide: But you can’t do that.
The President: Just watch me.
Aide: But that might be obstruction of justice right there.
The President: Counsel, what’s a plenary power?
White House Counsel (shaking slightly): It is an absolute, unqualified, power.
The President: And is that the Pardon Power I have per ” Article II, Section 2 of the United States Constitution which states that the President “shall have power to grant reprieves and pardons for offenses against the United States, except in cases of impeachment“. I looked it up on Wiki.
White House Counsel: Well, in a manner of speaking, Sir.
The President: Good to know. And Counsel, would you tell Mueller that any more chickenshit charges are going to be pardoned. And do that with a public letter. He’s going to have to do way better than this to get something to stick. And how are you coming on the “dirty” dossier to the FISA Court and the FBI dropping the Uranium One investigation about Bill and Hilly. I don’t want to waste my time dealing with chickenshit when there are real crimes to look into.
Aide: Thank you Mr. President.