The Comey Diaries

Dear Diary,

I was shaking with anticipation as the POTUS Elect spoke.

Would he keep me…or kick me to the curb?

He said so many nice things. He respected me. Other people liked me. I think I’m OK.

Love,

James

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Dear Diary,

Tete a tete. Just a pretty little oval table between me and POTUS.

He kept going back to the pee thing. Ewww! But I had to tell him the mean girls say they, or that bad boy Putin, has the tapes.

He wants me to prove they don’t. How can I do that? He thinks his wife will be really angry and hurt and he’s right. I know mine would be.

But he really likes me. Wants me to stay. I want to stay.

What to do?

Love,

James

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Dear Diary,

POTUS is so mean. He thinks my besty McCabe might not be honourable. What? Whoa! Just because his wifey took money from the Clintons?

Like, as if.

Andy is so true, so good.

Love,

James

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Dear Diary,

Potus wants me to investigate the whole Russia thing. Which is so mean because, well, there is no Russia thing. He’s just being mean.

But I’ll fix him. He’s going to dump me but when he does…I’ll get Rosenstein to appoint my friend Bob to be a Special Counsel and then he’ll know he should have stayed with me.

I’m taller than he is.

Love,

James